17-18

I started this blog at the beginning of this year. This blog marks the growth, experience and changes of me within this year of 2008. 17-18, the age I mark as the age of change. I abandoned my old blog and changed to this blog to leave what I was and to attempt a change on myself. Certainly I did change but the changes were only minor. Many thoughts have changed though which includes the desire to change. I never needed to change. I needed to stop holding back myself.

The end of the year is almost here. Together with it, the end of this phase and the end of this blog will come. It marks the beginning of my journey. It’s time to start moving. I used 17 years on the tutorial, now it’s time to get going. It’s time to start working for my aims and my dreams.

It begins here not because I believe this is the right time or anything like that. There isn’t a right time to do something like this. It is merely because I took 17 years of my life to realize, to learn, to figure out what I have to do to achieve things that I want. But well, at least I did.

Tutorial ends and the missions begin

Acknowledgement

Up till this moment I’ve achieved nothing worthy of acknowledgement. I’m just a slightly above average student. I have no big achievements in my school life. Whether in my academic, sports, club or uniformed unit I’m just at most slightly above average. I’m never considered to be anything near amazing. I always had the chance to but I had never reached out to grab the opportunities. I never dared to. Soon it’ll be phase and new sets of opportunities will be open.

It annoys me very much to be looked down upon. It so happens within my home that’s what happens. In many areas I may be incapable but can’t they just stop focusing on them and look at what I’m capable in? I got a freaking score of IQ 180 in the MENSA test for god’s sake. I dream to achieve more than just a high pay and good job. In fact, that’s not even near to what I want to achieve. It’s true I don’t have any inspiration to what I wish to create yet but inspiration comes in a sudden okay. Maybe stop discouraging and try to give me some idea?

Many people actually think my specialty is in mathematics. That’s quite stupid actually. I’m not good in mathematics. I’m not gifted with numbers at all. What I’m good at is not counting. It’s understanding, analyzing, interpreting and visualizing. Trust me. I’m capable of more than what most people know. Never underestimate me. I’ll feel insulted.

Never underestimate

Next Phase

It’s just a matter of days until the year ends. I’ve switched to this blog to leave my past and to change. Indeed many things changed with include me. Through time and experience people change. The age of 17 is a great experience. 17 is not over yet though but the year is going to. Many people asked me, will I create a new blog of 18-19 then? I’ll answer the question now. I will be going back to my old blog. I’m not going back to my past instead I’m going to use my past to create a better future.

My New Year resolution for the past New Year was to change into a more outspoken person. I didn’t completely fail but neither did I succeed. I did improve from what I was. My New Year resolution will not be the same as I know I will be able to soon. To change is not an easy thing. I’m not a quiet person in the first place so I don’t need to change, I need to show myself.

People tell me 18 is a year where everyone changes as everything changes. It’s a new phase of life. I don’t know how much I’ll change but I’m not going to classify it as an age of change. I wrote 17 as the age of change and I won’t repeat the same for 18. 18 will be the base to success. It’s the mark of the beginning towards making my life a success. I won’t name my blog name as such though. My blog won’t involve age, It’s just not important anymore.

Finally, the time is almost here. The phase of life where I believe I would prove myself. The time I want to let people know I’m more than what people have seen. It’s the time to reach my first mark of success. It’s the time to achieve what I call amazing. I’m not in any way boasting. I just believe in myself. Don’t believe in me? We’ll see in time.

Know what's coming and get ready

Picture from: http://www.needahandspanishproperties.com/sunrise-picture.html

Layers

I guess soon is not so soon after all. I’ve been either sick, busy or both together lately which doesn’t cause me to be unable but cause me to be unwilling to write a post here. I’m still having throat infection and cough at this moment. Coughing is pain with the throat infection and I feel pain drinking water. It’s a pretty strong pain by the way. Other than that I’m pretty alright so here I am writing this. As I’ve said in my previous post I’ll write about me and girls. Well, I don’t know if you get what I mean by that but I meant the difference of me with guys and with girls.

People who don’t know me would classify me as a very quiet boy. People who know me as in really know me will know I’m far from that. The outer layer of me is a quiet more serious person. The inner layer of me which all those who knows me would know is very full of crap and doing all kinds of stupid things. Both are the real me it’s just that the inner is the more natural one.

I’ve never attempt to do any thing I think would embarrass myself alone without any push. But trust me, if you ask me to do it with you I might probably do it. Even when I was a small kid I’ve never dared to do things I know or think I would end up embarrassing myself. I wanted to do them, but never dare to do it alone or without any push.

Now, besides the outer and inner layers there is the core. That would be where the feelings and all lie. Where the romantic and emotional me would be. It’s not a hidden part it’s just there’s no point for it in normal situations. I can’t say I’m a romantic person, I think I am but I won’t know cause well, there’s never a situation that I needed to be. Well, basically that’s it. It’s not a very meaningful post I know but now that I’m not so ill, I’ll be posting up again very soon a meaningful or maybe emotional stuff so stay tuned.

There may be much more than the surface

Love?

SPM is not over. That’s something everyone should be aware of. No matter you’re an accounts student or not, it’s not over yet. Do you feel a feeling of relief yet something seems to be stuck there? It’s not over yet that’s why. There’s still a part of you telling yourself, it’s not over yet. Another case of feeling it is that you already felt it’s over before the day. Due to the fact your last test is EST you’re not feeling as good as you expect to be. The relief came before it ended. That’s how it is. Now without further delay, I shall write the essay with the title my perfect future husband or wife as I’ve promised. In my case it’s my perfect future wife of course. And now, my essay commences.

Women and men, both are categorized as the species of human. There’s a known fact the women will never understand man and the same goes the other way yet they still wish to get together and spend their lives together. This is of course with the exception of homosexuals where the same sex gets together. The ritual where the two people get together would be what we humans call marriage. As we go through that ritual, we gain a wife or husband where we are supposed to be spending our lives together. In my case, it would be a wife. Then it comes to the question of a perfect wife. There are a few points that would make my future wife my perfect future wife

Firstly are characteristic that would be needed for my perfect future wife. To people who would say looks doesn’t matter, stop lying to yourself. Look does matter to a certain extent. You’re definitely going to have trouble facing someone whose looks displeases you for your life. My future wife doesn’t need to be very pretty. She doesn’t have to have a great body. She doesn’t need to be sexy. She just has to be pleasant looking to me. For body, I have to be honest anything less than fat would be alright for me. Chubby or round are not counted fat. Looks does matter, but it’s not that important as long as it’s within the range of acceptance.

Personality would be a very common point to be considered. For me, personalities are criteria we must take into consideration. For me, a perfect wife has to be a person who cares for people. A person with kindness in their heart is sufficient. I don’t require a wife who is gentle or anything like that. I require a wife who is kind and cares for other people. Whether she is gentle, rough or anything it doesn’t really matter that much. As long as she is a kind person, it’s enough.

Ability and skill is probably the least of my concern. It’s alright for her so have no special skill. It’s alright for her to not be successful at all. It’s also alright for her to have more abilities and skills compared to me. I don’t really mind. It’ll be perfect if she’s someone smart I would say. I would prefer a wife who is smart. Capable or not doesn’t really matter but smart would be perfect. It’s not a necessary thing though. It’s just something I would prefer to have.

The most important point for my perfect future wife is neither of those I wrote before. The most important point of all is that both of us love the true nature of each other. If I love her and she doesn’t really love me or the other way around, it wouldn’t be alright. Love needs to be from both sides. Love cannot be on the acting of a person. The love that exists must be upon the natural points of a person. Love cannot retain by pretending.

To have a perfect future husband or wife is of course the ideal thing for everyone but most of the time it just never happens. For me, my future wife doesn’t have to be perfect. The most important thing is the last point written in my essay. Both of us have to love each other. I believe one day I will find the fated girl whom I will spend the rest of my life with.

That’s the end of my essay. I would say it’s not a very good essay personally but I would say it’s a very true essay. It doesn’t only apply on wife, it applies on girlfriend too. Well, not that I’ve had any before. Next post will be coming up soon. It’ll be about the point on me and girls. Interested or not, just come back and have a look.

Love is what matters in the end.

Stars

Since it’s SPM season lets talk about SPM stuff. In my SPM English paper 1 there were 5 questions and there were 3 that caught my eye. The 3 questions were:

1. My perfect future husband or wife
2. Write a story ending with: “…Now I realize the value of a true friend.”
3. Stars

All 3 of them were essay titles I can write about but I stopped and think. I wanted to write a story as an essay at that time. I chose the 2nd one in the end. To rewrite my essay is quite a stupid thing to do so I’ll summarize my story.

It starts with me talking about my high school life where I have numerous friends and even until the beginning of my working life I still have these friends. One day I had tumor and need help financially for operation but all my friends backed away. They avoided me and refuse to answer my calls. I began to feel depression and rage. That changed my whole personality to a bad personality. Soon later I was banged by a lorry and went to the hospital. As a result I had my legs amputated. I reflect back on the words of an old friend in the hospital. The old friend suddenly appeared and I broke into tears. He helped me back up. I had operation and prosthetic legs then I was able to stand up again. And that’s when I realize the value of a true friend.

Such a dramatic essay isn’t it. Now let us start on my unwritten 2 essays. I’ll start with the 3rd one, stars.

Stars, the little dots of light twinkling in the sky at night. Stars play many roles towards the life of a person. One very significant role it plays is the Sun. The sun is one of the many stars we see although it appears very differently compared to the little dots we see of the other stars. However we cannot deny the fact that it is also a star. The sun provides light, energy and heat to the world. It makes our world inhabitable for organic life forms. Without this 1 star, we will not even exist. But all these are not what make stars as interesting as I feel it is. What I find most interesting about stars are the many myths behind it.

Many magical stories are told about stars. All of them are considered to be non-logical stories but still these stories are believed by many people. One of the favourite one is the transformation of your deceased loved ones into a star, a star that will brightly shine and protect you from high above. Many people choose to believe this story. It doesn’t sounds true at all but many people still believe or at least try to believe it. To see the death of people you care for is really painful. To believe this story is to get a comfort in your heart that even after death they will stay and watch over you as a star.

Another one would be the all time favourite wishing star. People will very naturally make a wish when they see a shooting star. A person is considered lucky to be able to see a shooting star as it is not a common thing and thus wishes at that time will have higher chance to be granted. This is one of the explanations given on this believe but of course this does not apply at all times. Many people also believe that the shooting star has some magic that can grant your wishes. However, no matter what is the explanation given, people choose to believe it is true. Wishing star is like a form of hope given when things seem bad.

People choose to believe to believe these unbelievable things about stars as stars are really a very big mystery to us. We see countless stars in the sky some brightly shining and some very dim but all we see are just dots. How do the stars actually look like? How did the stars come about? How are the stars able to shine so brightly? It is still pretty much a mystery to us. Not only is it a mystery but it is a very powerful thing to be able to emit its own bright light.

Believing the stories actually does help a person. To believe would make one able to accept unacceptable things and have hope when the world seemed to be pitch black. Psychologically a person would be able to do better with such believe. Whether or not the stories are true, it helps people one way or another. To believe or not to believe in these magic about the stars is your choice but stars will always be here waiting for you to believe in them.

The 1 more question will be done later. Think it’s stupid? I think it’s not so I don’t really care.

Stars, an eternal symbol of hope.

SPM

SPM is in a few hours and I’m still here writing out this post. I’m sure some people are going to think that I must be over confident or something. I can tell you I’m not at all. I’m not nervous as well. I know very well I can’t get straight As and I even have the chance to fail a subject or two. I’m also very well aware that it might cause a little trouble for me in the future but I’m not worried at all still.

Exam results never will determine where someone will stand in the future. Exam results only determine where a person’s starting point would be. That’s right we’re not even at the starting point yet. We’re only trying to get a good starting point at this stage of life. I’m very well aware that where I start will not determine where I’ll end. That is why I’m not scared at all.

After this exam my life will go to the next phase of this stage of life. The phase called college life. The phase where there will be different exposures. I’m glad this new phase is coming but there’re many things from the high school phase I wish to maintain. It’s quite a dilemma but life is just going to keep moving and you have to move with it. None can ever dwell in the same phase of life forever. We just got to move on with the flow of life.

Examination results are important because many people need a good start. A good start could give a boost to many people in what they do. For many people, if they don’t get a good start they could never climb their way up. The reason for that to happen is not because of capability, it’s whether one has the will to do it or not. When there’s a will there’s a way. It’s a very famous saying and it’s also almost always true. One never needs to be afraid or be to tensed up on their results. You could still reach where you want.

Exam results only determine where you start