Emotional

I don’t know if anyone even noticed but I’m actually very emo recently. I haven’t talked to anyone about it until just minutes ago and it’s only through sms. If you don’t care you can just screw this post. I just want to express it all out. It’s just all about me so actually I doubt you’ll gain anything reading it. So unless you care it is advisable to skip this post.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot. About the past, what has been stopping me from achieving what I want in the past? On studies there’s nothing much about it. It’s just I didn’t want to put in effort. On co-curriculum, I’ve always wanted a chance to get a post but I never did. Why? It’s not that I’m not capable, but it’s that I’m afraid to speak up.

Coming closer to the present, I got the post I wanted. But because of the very reason I didn’t get my post there’s a lot of things I end up doing not well. Come to the present, I’ve improved a lot from what I’ve been but this very problem of mine still exists. Not only is it affecting the doing of works but also my social life. Actually my results of 5 A1 and 3 G9 may seem to be not much of a problem for me but the truth is it’s really given an impact on me. I’m still not getting over it until now. Every single time when people talk about trials results I seriously feel WTF. But I don’t know why I just cannot get myself to actually study. I really don’t know why.

Moving up to the future, the problem of not being able to speak up still exists and that will cause me to be unable to do many things. Another thing would be about my studies and career. I’ve planned out a few routes for myself but I have to consider a few things which are career opportunities, affordability, availability and also a few other factors. I really want to go study oversea because of the quality, availability and the acknowledgement of the degree they offer. But I don’t want to study oversea because I don’t want to leave Malaysia. Everything I have is here in Malaysia. And also, despite how I seem to be I actually think I’m pretty patriotic. I really feel an attraction on this country, my homeland. I want to stay here and also do something for it.

My MENSA IQ test gave me a result of IQ 180. So what? Yeah my mind is able to visualize, analyze and interpret more capably than other people. I’m able to catch many things more efficiently than others. I’m able to understand or learn many things easier than others. So what? I’ve been saying a lot about talent needs hard work but I’m the one who doesn’t put in the effort I need. I’m the one saying you to be confident in yourself and show people what you’ve got but I’m the one who is hiding behind my lack of self-confidence with some act. I’m the one who fear to speak out and tell people what I’ve interpreted out with my mind. I really don’t know how to overcome them. Aih….

Advice and doing are 2 different things

Dreams

When were still small kids we have plenty of dreams. As we grow up, these dreams are one by one lost. As we grow older there are many things we realize. There are many things we are able to see. When one dreams big everyone will think it’s only a dream that will remain a dream. Exceptions exists of course, if not there wouldn’t be so many dreams come true in the past.

The dream to fly, the dream of moving picture, the dream of talking at far distance and many other dreams, they were all what people thought will only remain as dreams. Today, they are all regular things in our life. There is nothing wrong with having big dreams. It is only wrong if you let your dreams remain as a dreams.

Dreams can come true but not naturally. Dreams come true with effort. Without pursuing you can never get anything. Go ahead and dream but don’t just dwell in it. Get moving and make it happen. Pursue for your dream and make it all happen. Dreams are meant to be pursued not just wait for it to come true. Dreams can come true, they just need someone to make it to and the person can be you.

Be the one to make dreams come true

Image from: http://blogs.grab.com/OpalRubyStar

Paths of Life

Every single person has their paths to venture forth in their lives. The first phases of life from kid to schooling until graduation, the paths are all merely straight roads. In this phase, the path everyone steps on is the same. The difference is how you walk past it unless you choose to abandon the path and get to another path which then will no be a straight path any longer. Of course there are exceptional cases where one can skip that path.

Up till today I’m still within this straight path but up till today I haven’t been doing well in this path. I never doubt my capabilities to walk better here. Up till today, everything I’ve achieved is a gift to me. Every skill I have is not something I spent effort to get. They’re all given to me.

Now, I’ve reached a point where I have to think beyond this path. It’s not that I have not thought about it. In fact I have thought about it countless times and to very far vicinities as well. I neglected close things due to that as well. My idea of how to walk this path is different from many including my parents. Due to that, I can never reach anywhere discussing my future with my dad.

Choosing paths is not about choosing a path that’s easy to walk. The consideration you should have in choosing a path is your own will. Never choose a path because it’s easy, choose a path because you want it. The path I choose will definitely not be easy but as said in my self description. I believe I’m special or at least going to be.

Paths are not chosen by difficulty

A Night Out

Many thoughts have gone through my mind throughout this absent time of me from this blog. These thoughts include those of the past, present as well as the future but then I decided not to talk about it here. I shall talk about something else in this post.

A few days back I went to the Ampang Lookout Point. They are the people I went with in the picture up there. I didn’t take many pictures and my pictures weren’t of good quality due to the rain so we had to rush. I was actually already sick that day but cause I’ve already said that I would go, I went anyway. It was really cool not just because of the lookout point but what happened throughout the night

There are many things you actually learn if you just open up your mind when you go out to places you’re not familiar with. It is always good to go places or do things you’ve never went or done before. What you learn from books may be useful but there are things that couldn’t be learned from books. Many important things can be learned even from a mere outing with friends.

Knowledge is more than just books