Looking Back, Again

Somehow I can never get over my past. Recently I kept dwelling on my past memories. Always hoping that the good things could be the same now and the bad things could be different. Wondering what if the choices I made were different, what would happen to me this day? One single decision can affect the outcome of many things whether the decision is considered big or small.

It’s not always big things that affect our life. Small decisions determine many outcomes in our lives as well. But then there’s still no use to dwell on the past as nothing from the past could be changed. Even if there’s such thing as time machine, I still do not believe anything from the past could be changed. I believe that if you were to interfere, you already did.

Stop looking back, look forward to the future. Many people would tell others to do so but it’s not easy to actually do it sometimes. There are just some things that are very hard for us to let go. It’s actually fine to dwell in the past in my opinion. As long as you don’t let go of the future and the present, it’s alright.

It is okay to look back, just don’t forget the front

Yu

Desire

I’ve been pretty troubled lately. I kept thinking about one main thing. In general it’s explained in just one word, and the word is the topic of this post, desire. It’s not that I have too many desire I can’t get but instead it’s I start to lose track of what I actually desire. What is it that I actually want? What do I want to achieve, what do I want to get? I actually lost track of it.

I’ve been thinking a lot on what is it that I want to achieve in this school because I’ve been thinking too much about my future. Recently I realized, I don’t actually know what exactly I want to achieve. I’ve changed my plan for the future many times in these few years. I grew true every experience and every experience actually opened up a different view for me. The new view actually make me realized what I chose every time was wrong including this time.

To plan for your future is definitely a good thing. It’s a very advisable act among the secondary students but even though you seem to have decided, sit down and think. Is it really what you want, could it really work the way you want it to, what if it doesn’t go as you want it to. These are all considerations you should make before truly setting it as an aim. I missed these steps myself and now here I am confused after being seemingly confident with my future.

It's great to plan but plan with utter consideration

This blog will have a big makeover soon. Stay tuned for a new phase of the blog. As the current title of the blog says, 17- the age of change it’s time for the blog to go through a change.

Yu

Emotions

As I said in the previous post, my poems are expressions of my feelings and emotions but it so happens, all my poems seem to be of sadness. So that would mean I’m always sad? Honestly, I think my emotions are kind of screwed up this year. There’s just always a feeling of something bothering. There’s just some things I can never get over I guess.

Well, here’s a poem I wrote a few months back.

One

Once again it crossed my mind,
This one little thought of mine,
Messing up the whole of my heart,
With feelings that I can’t discard,

My thoughts turned a little insane,
Though the rational mind still remain,
Just because of one event,
Cause by a little thing I have done,

Mistakes are made by everyone,
But usually they’d be given a chance,
But not everyone could have this once,
Some not forgiven even through months,

Just this 1 wrong that’s been done,
Though the idea is far from one,
The thoughts alone is far from wrong,
But action matters more than thoughts,

Once again I see a rising sun,
Hoping finally it is real,
Shining away all negative rays,
Letting tomorrow be a better day.

Here’s another poem I wrote a few days back.

Visions Faraway

Countless visions came by,
All in just a short time,
All in just one short year,
Numerous changes had appeared,

Countless changes I can’t comprehend,
That’s forming mindset of becoming a man,
Finding the roads to success,
Finding ways to become the best,

Suddenly there was this day,
I realized my visions were too far away,
They’re thoughts heading the right way,
It’s just none of them are of today,

Viewing far viewing big,
That’s the vision I have for everything,
I tend to forget the nearest things,
All important things I should be doing,

I believe I’m great though I don’t know how,
Yet I feel so useless up till now,
Thought it’s not common that I frown,
It’s not happiness I feel deep down.

Whether it’s happiness or sadness it’s better to express it out than keeping it to yourself. It’s why I chose to write poems. There’s a limit to how much it can help but it’s better than nothing. Of course if you can, be optimistic. One lives a happier life being optimistic. One problem that messes up my emotions is actually thinking too much. It's good to think but there's isn't a need to think about everything.

Thinking could also be bad.

Yu

Poetry

This is a poem I've written few months back. My poems are always an expression of my feelings in the form of words. There will be a few more coming up.

Sky

The sky is up so high,
Beyond the reach of passer by,
But it’s not impossible if you try,
It all depends on the heart and mind,

The sky has been cloudy lately,
Though it’s dark it’s still not rainy,
Sun still shines now and then,
It’s just man made lights in the end,

Lightning never stroke even once,
Lightning clouds there were more than one,
The lightning and rain kept inside,
It’s so full that explode it might,

To have a true sunny day,
With no clouds blocking sun ray,
With no droplets falling down,
Just pure sunlight all around,

All caused by just 1 wrong shine,
Blinding it’s not but glaring it is,
Just a harmless release of light,
Cause fire to appear up in the sky.

Yu

Change

Change is a part of everyone’s life. One big stage of change would be when one is 15-18 years old. Changing at this stage is usually good as it is a change as one matures but there are negative points as well. Everyone change in a different way in different things. I shall not go into how it change and all as I’m not knowledgeable in that myself.

Well, change is a process that never ends. In this few years I see a lot of changes in myself. Basically my whole life is on a complete different course than when it was 3 years ago. At the beginning I actually thought my change will bring only good. That was during the beginning of my form 4 life. Everything around just kept changing in both good and bad ways.

People around us naturally change as well. As I said, it’s a part of everyone’s life. The chance is not that great but it can affect friendships as well. Sometimes changes in both parties can change into a pattern of repel against each other. For most people friendships are really important. Definitely it is for me. Trying to maintain would be the best one can do I guess.

However much one changes the base characteristics of the person still remains. People never changes completely, they change based on what they are and what they experience. If only changes only brings good. Wouldn’t that be so great? But then again, life doesn’t stay good. It’s not life if it does isn’t it?

Change, a never ending process.

Yu

Future

Future is a very vast thing to talk about but then for secondary school student usually it would be about what course to take and which university to go to after their secondary life. This goes especially for form 5 students. I’ve thought a lot on it last year and I’ve planned for my studying life with backup plans just incase I fail or anything. This year I realized, I never really thought about my current life. I’ve been constantly thinking of my SAM results in college but how about my SPM? I totally neglected my school results so far. I’ve been doing nothing but last minute revision.

I have a dream which sounds unreachable but I believe I can. The dream is to create a formula or an invention which is a level higher from the technology of the time I create it. Think it’s big? Not really, the bigger dream is I hope the creation could bring a renaissance to change the world for good. Dreams are only optional targets though. What’s more important would be aims.

Aims are the main objectives. The targets that we have to achieve if not we fail. Dream big aim high is a good advice but when having your aim high it must be achievable and practical of course. If you aim something you can’t achieve or something stupid then it defeats the purpose of having the aim. My aim is a race against time which is early retirement with a considerably large sum of money. Of course retire doesn’t mean spend money and laze around. I’ll still do investments and research work after retiring. By early I mean in my thirties.

Recently something is a bit wrong with me though. I’ve been feeling in these 17 years I’m nothing. I feel rather useless at the moment. I can’t really find the worth in my self at the current moment and that makes me feel bad. I guess I’ll have to overcome it somehow. That’s it.

Dream big, aim high but not too much like to fly.

Yu

Amazing

Amazing, a word used to describe something or someone doing something exceeding normal capabilities. I shall not talk about things as I doubt anyone would be interested. Actually it’s just because I’m not interested. So I shall go on with amazing people. Everyone is special, everyone is talented but not everyone is amazing. Special and talent are things that people are born with. They are a gifts given to each individual as they step into this world.

Amazing is different. Amazing exists through one’s actions and thoughts. One can be amazing in many different ways. In fact, anyone can be amazing. It’s just a matter of whether you’re willing the put in the sufficient amount of effort to achieve it. Even a super genius will not be amazing if the person does not manipulate his ability to learn and do something.

Everyone have a different aim in life of course. Some aim to be amazing, some aim to be normal. Everyone can be amazing but doesn’t mean everyone has to be amazing. I aim to be amazing, in fact more than amazing. I want to be more than what anyone has ever been. I’m not anywhere near amazing right now but I believe, in 30 years time I will.

Aiming to be amazing doesn’t mean one can neglect the small things and closers things of course. Exams of secondary school level for example. It may be a small thing but at my stage of life, it’s something I must go through well. I’ll be taking my driving license on the 26^th. According to my instructor my progress is better than other students which means most probably I’ll pass. Well, I shall end here.

One is not born amazing, one pursues to be